Isabella Faith Payne, born January, 30th, 2008. She was not my first child. Shortly before her conception, I lost one. As difficult as it was, I will never forget the words of an in law at that time, "I understand what you are going through. But you know what? If I didn't experience THAT loss, I wouldn't have my A.J."
If you are Chad or Adam, please know your mother is a tremendous woman and thank her in your hearts and actions every day. She is a large part of the equation of who you are today, and you're both great men.
On that note, we as parents have a responsibility. To love, nurture, teach, hold, encourage and discipline. It can really be broken down into simple factors. The "details" you may experience, keep in mind, are your own lifestyles you have to work out. If there's a problem, it's not your child(ren)'s fault. It's yours.
Must do's of every parent. If you're going to turn a blind eye to any of these, well, good luck to you and your child. And really, they deserve better.
1. Love always. Tell them that, literally, every day.
2. Discipline. Kids don't rule, you do.
3. Structure. I bet your world turns upside down when you don't know if you're coming or going. Put yourself in their shoes. Oh, by the way, they're children. They don't get it. They count on you to tell them how it needs to be.
4. Manners. It's not hard. Demand a please or thank you. Demand they wait their turn. Demand they listen before they act. Demand, demand, demand. You're not being rude. And yes, they will get mad. But who's the bigger one here? Come back to me when they're 27 and say how much they appreciate you. I guarentee not one child would hate you for it later.
5. Encourage, but be healthy about it. There's a time and a place for silliness. Teach them where it is and where it is not appropriate.
6. Pick your battles. If it's not harming them or anyone else, let it be. My kid wore her bike helmet to the chiropractor a few months ago, and then wanted to wear her 2 sizes too small rain boots on on sunny day. Oh well.
7. Be consistent. Where do I start? In a nutshell, let you're employer or your spouse think you're doing a fantastic job, and then in an annual review tell you all the things you need to work on. Bet it makes you fill like crap. Wish you would have known from the get go? And maybe had constant reminders?
8. Play. This is something I personally learned from a friend. Let this be known, I DON'T PLAY. But my child does, and it's important to her.
9. Talk. Kids are smarter than you know. I asked Isabella one day, "Why, when I say "no" to something, do you always say ""Please, please, please, please...PLEASE?!"" First of all, thank you for using manners. Her response? "Because sometimes, you might say yes." - words from a 4 year old. Please refer to lesson #6, one we can all learn from.
10. Explain. In kid terms. They really don't know what you're talking about if you talk to them like they're your friend, relative or boss. Dumb it down.
GRAND FINALE:
11. Learn. The things your kids do and say are a REFLECTION of you. If you don't like it, or wish for other behaviors of your children, fix yourself. I guarantee you will see positive or negative results in any way you choose to live.
You have a responsibility. Not a cause for action when you choose. Get after them. They're born great, as were you. It's their influences that will keep them there.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
You mean, I have to...WORK?!
Let me guess. You finally got a raise after over a year and your only got 15 cents. Or you're too bombarded with things to do in your regular work day, you just don't have time to do it all. My guess is, too, that your responsibilities have increased since you started your position in your job. I bet the guy or girl who sits next to you slacks off and doesn't get as much work done as you and still gets paid the same. Remember that time when you went above and beyond and didn't get recognized for it? Yeah, me either. I bet you went back to the same old, same old when you realized your squat reward didn't pan out. How about the fact that you saw the house of your boss, boss's boss or CEO of the company and thought, "Must be nice to live like that on the work that I put in for you."
Here's the thing. We all have to work, in some form or fashion. Whether it be the nine to five, swing shift, self-scheduled, stay at home parent or volunteer, we have to give something to get something. Me personally? I prefer to get the most I can, so I work to the best of my abilities. Well, that's not totally true. If I wanted more, I could have more. But truth is, I'm actually quite content with what I have and working at the current pace I have set for myself. If I push myself real hard, sometimes I can focus enough to do better than my average. And you better believe I get the rewards. When I choose to...of course.
Our American country is full of complainers. There, I said it! Don't worry, though. It's probably not your fault. We listen, learn, succeed, flourish and even fail in the arms of those we're closest to. Parents, bosses, friends, pastors, and even kids, show us how to act on a daily basis. Now, I do understand that a young child, and even a young adult into their twenties, needs time to experience and figure out what's right and wrong. But come on people. There's a time shortly thereafter where we need to take responsibility for ourselves for the rest of our existance. Who says we're the golden child anymore that gets whatever they want? Oh, and speaking of children getting whatever they want, good luck with that in the future if you're responsible for them.
Remember the time when you signed up for your job? You wanted to, and I know for a fact that you were excited about it. Who isn't? A job or responsibility means wealth and rewards. But all too often we lose sight and begin to demand. If that's you, quit! No one says you have to do what you're doing. YOU signed up. YOU can back down. Of course, if you back down entirely, you'll be in a world of hurt and struggle and be worse off than you are now. Plan and WORK for what you want.
My advise to you, quit complaining! You're only wasting time. Not to mention, you're wasting everyone else's time. If you have a problem, create a solution. I've been fortunate to be on both ends of the working spectrum. For crying out loud, I supervised 26 women and 1 male at the same time...hmmm...guess which one was my favorite?? Yep. The one who didn't complain.
Truth is, your boss is busy and doesn't have time for babysitting crap. If you're around 23 years old, or older, and are creating grief to your boss at work, shame on you. Grow up. I can promise you your boss already knows where the problems exist. It's not like they're stupid. They were put in their position for a reason. Quite honestly, your boss needs YOUR support instead of the other way around. Come in and do the job you signed up for. I bet you anything, if each and every person your boss had to "supervise" really didn't need any supervision, they may actually have time to assist each of you as part of the TEAM instead of taking complaints. They already get complaints from top down.
Hear this too, it's not your boss's fault. Probably not even your boss's boss's fault. The requests and demands come from the top. I guarentee your complaints don't even get past round one. If we all just do the best we can, the numbers, dollars, successes and failures will be noticed at some point. You have nothing to worry about if you can justify everything you do with a good answer.
Now let's get to work!
Here's the thing. We all have to work, in some form or fashion. Whether it be the nine to five, swing shift, self-scheduled, stay at home parent or volunteer, we have to give something to get something. Me personally? I prefer to get the most I can, so I work to the best of my abilities. Well, that's not totally true. If I wanted more, I could have more. But truth is, I'm actually quite content with what I have and working at the current pace I have set for myself. If I push myself real hard, sometimes I can focus enough to do better than my average. And you better believe I get the rewards. When I choose to...of course.
Our American country is full of complainers. There, I said it! Don't worry, though. It's probably not your fault. We listen, learn, succeed, flourish and even fail in the arms of those we're closest to. Parents, bosses, friends, pastors, and even kids, show us how to act on a daily basis. Now, I do understand that a young child, and even a young adult into their twenties, needs time to experience and figure out what's right and wrong. But come on people. There's a time shortly thereafter where we need to take responsibility for ourselves for the rest of our existance. Who says we're the golden child anymore that gets whatever they want? Oh, and speaking of children getting whatever they want, good luck with that in the future if you're responsible for them.
Remember the time when you signed up for your job? You wanted to, and I know for a fact that you were excited about it. Who isn't? A job or responsibility means wealth and rewards. But all too often we lose sight and begin to demand. If that's you, quit! No one says you have to do what you're doing. YOU signed up. YOU can back down. Of course, if you back down entirely, you'll be in a world of hurt and struggle and be worse off than you are now. Plan and WORK for what you want.
My advise to you, quit complaining! You're only wasting time. Not to mention, you're wasting everyone else's time. If you have a problem, create a solution. I've been fortunate to be on both ends of the working spectrum. For crying out loud, I supervised 26 women and 1 male at the same time...hmmm...guess which one was my favorite?? Yep. The one who didn't complain.
Truth is, your boss is busy and doesn't have time for babysitting crap. If you're around 23 years old, or older, and are creating grief to your boss at work, shame on you. Grow up. I can promise you your boss already knows where the problems exist. It's not like they're stupid. They were put in their position for a reason. Quite honestly, your boss needs YOUR support instead of the other way around. Come in and do the job you signed up for. I bet you anything, if each and every person your boss had to "supervise" really didn't need any supervision, they may actually have time to assist each of you as part of the TEAM instead of taking complaints. They already get complaints from top down.
Hear this too, it's not your boss's fault. Probably not even your boss's boss's fault. The requests and demands come from the top. I guarentee your complaints don't even get past round one. If we all just do the best we can, the numbers, dollars, successes and failures will be noticed at some point. You have nothing to worry about if you can justify everything you do with a good answer.
Now let's get to work!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Let's Begin.
You know what irks me? After sipping 4 cocktails...alright, maybe 6...within the last 24 hours, I just recently realized that the mixer I purchased was regular Mountain Dew instead of diet. Forget the 2,000 calorie Mexican dinner I ordered, or the margarita , or the UV Sweet Green Tea flavored vodka I bought to share and sampled 2 cocktails of. Oh, and the half a waffle with full calorie syrup, two sausage links and Chipotle Southwest sauce on my sub from Subway tonight...it's the fact that the ONE thing I thought I was choosing to control was the diet soda in my potato water (vodka). It's healthier! ...Right.
Welcome to the House of Payne. We're fantastic in all aspects of our own little world. And by we, I mean myself, Jessica (30), and my daughter, Isabella (4). We're not self-centered by any means, possibly quite the opposite. Our greatness comes with the ability to be real, humble and appreciative of everything we have. To be us. And to be HUMAN!
Shortened version of our backround: We've come into our own in the last few months. Products of an unhealthy family lifestyle in marriage, my parents rescued us (for a year and a half) until we were secure again. I was a successful, high school educated professional in a retail world, until Isabella's small age of 2. Partial longing to be a stay-at-home mom, and partial despiration to cling on to a marriage that was unsuccesful, I quit my $43,000/yr job and began regular kid-in-tow wagon trips to the local Save-A-Lot grocery store.
Long story short: I hated it. I was not meant to have a kid on the hip for hours on end. There's only so much play time (minutes) this mom can handle. I felt guilty at first. I thought it would be an awesome opportunity to raise my own child, who I love, adore and would die for. Truth is, because I love her so much, we're better off with our daily distance with me in the working world, leaving behind our regular annoyances with each other and fulfilling our genuine "I miss you" moments in happiness.
It was a big time struggle at first, parting with our "comfortable" married family life. As bad as you want things to work sometimes, your true character shows when you finally say, "I've exhausted ALL options. Enough is enough."
So what do you say to your child(ren) when their world falls apart? I mean, really? I've been through it, and I'm still not certain that my words were the right ones. When I finally made the last leap out of the relationship her father and I had (and trust me, there were plenty), let's face it, it was hell. I thought I had lived through enough storms in the past 3 years and succesfully sheltered my infant/toddler from it all. Little did I know at that time, the storm would shift and a whole new wind would knock us off our feet. The temperature had changed. Daddy was no longer dad. For me to say he "struggled" would be a Band-aid on the wound. It was different.
On the positive side, Daddy's come around. He's had time to sort out his "man issues" and we've stood, not by him, but close enough through his struggles. Can't say he's done the same for us, but in all reality, we're okay with that now. It's in the past. The one great thing that I can say that Isabella and I have overcome, is that we don't hate him. In fact, we love him more. I firmly believe, that the true test of love is that you will always put others before yourself. We waited, in tears sometimes, but we waited. And I don't think that I could ask for a better relationship for the family that WE started, and the one that WE will finish someday.
Welcome to the House of Payne. We're fantastic in all aspects of our own little world. And by we, I mean myself, Jessica (30), and my daughter, Isabella (4). We're not self-centered by any means, possibly quite the opposite. Our greatness comes with the ability to be real, humble and appreciative of everything we have. To be us. And to be HUMAN!
Shortened version of our backround: We've come into our own in the last few months. Products of an unhealthy family lifestyle in marriage, my parents rescued us (for a year and a half) until we were secure again. I was a successful, high school educated professional in a retail world, until Isabella's small age of 2. Partial longing to be a stay-at-home mom, and partial despiration to cling on to a marriage that was unsuccesful, I quit my $43,000/yr job and began regular kid-in-tow wagon trips to the local Save-A-Lot grocery store.
Long story short: I hated it. I was not meant to have a kid on the hip for hours on end. There's only so much play time (minutes) this mom can handle. I felt guilty at first. I thought it would be an awesome opportunity to raise my own child, who I love, adore and would die for. Truth is, because I love her so much, we're better off with our daily distance with me in the working world, leaving behind our regular annoyances with each other and fulfilling our genuine "I miss you" moments in happiness.
It was a big time struggle at first, parting with our "comfortable" married family life. As bad as you want things to work sometimes, your true character shows when you finally say, "I've exhausted ALL options. Enough is enough."
So what do you say to your child(ren) when their world falls apart? I mean, really? I've been through it, and I'm still not certain that my words were the right ones. When I finally made the last leap out of the relationship her father and I had (and trust me, there were plenty), let's face it, it was hell. I thought I had lived through enough storms in the past 3 years and succesfully sheltered my infant/toddler from it all. Little did I know at that time, the storm would shift and a whole new wind would knock us off our feet. The temperature had changed. Daddy was no longer dad. For me to say he "struggled" would be a Band-aid on the wound. It was different.
On the positive side, Daddy's come around. He's had time to sort out his "man issues" and we've stood, not by him, but close enough through his struggles. Can't say he's done the same for us, but in all reality, we're okay with that now. It's in the past. The one great thing that I can say that Isabella and I have overcome, is that we don't hate him. In fact, we love him more. I firmly believe, that the true test of love is that you will always put others before yourself. We waited, in tears sometimes, but we waited. And I don't think that I could ask for a better relationship for the family that WE started, and the one that WE will finish someday.
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