Isabella Faith Payne, born January, 30th, 2008. She was not my first child. Shortly before her conception, I lost one. As difficult as it was, I will never forget the words of an in law at that time, "I understand what you are going through. But you know what? If I didn't experience THAT loss, I wouldn't have my A.J."
If you are Chad or Adam, please know your mother is a tremendous woman and thank her in your hearts and actions every day. She is a large part of the equation of who you are today, and you're both great men.
On that note, we as parents have a responsibility. To love, nurture, teach, hold, encourage and discipline. It can really be broken down into simple factors. The "details" you may experience, keep in mind, are your own lifestyles you have to work out. If there's a problem, it's not your child(ren)'s fault. It's yours.
Must do's of every parent. If you're going to turn a blind eye to any of these, well, good luck to you and your child. And really, they deserve better.
1. Love always. Tell them that, literally, every day.
2. Discipline. Kids don't rule, you do.
3. Structure. I bet your world turns upside down when you don't know if you're coming or going. Put yourself in their shoes. Oh, by the way, they're children. They don't get it. They count on you to tell them how it needs to be.
4. Manners. It's not hard. Demand a please or thank you. Demand they wait their turn. Demand they listen before they act. Demand, demand, demand. You're not being rude. And yes, they will get mad. But who's the bigger one here? Come back to me when they're 27 and say how much they appreciate you. I guarentee not one child would hate you for it later.
5. Encourage, but be healthy about it. There's a time and a place for silliness. Teach them where it is and where it is not appropriate.
6. Pick your battles. If it's not harming them or anyone else, let it be. My kid wore her bike helmet to the chiropractor a few months ago, and then wanted to wear her 2 sizes too small rain boots on on sunny day. Oh well.
7. Be consistent. Where do I start? In a nutshell, let you're employer or your spouse think you're doing a fantastic job, and then in an annual review tell you all the things you need to work on. Bet it makes you fill like crap. Wish you would have known from the get go? And maybe had constant reminders?
8. Play. This is something I personally learned from a friend. Let this be known, I DON'T PLAY. But my child does, and it's important to her.
9. Talk. Kids are smarter than you know. I asked Isabella one day, "Why, when I say "no" to something, do you always say ""Please, please, please, please...PLEASE?!"" First of all, thank you for using manners. Her response? "Because sometimes, you might say yes." - words from a 4 year old. Please refer to lesson #6, one we can all learn from.
10. Explain. In kid terms. They really don't know what you're talking about if you talk to them like they're your friend, relative or boss. Dumb it down.
GRAND FINALE:
11. Learn. The things your kids do and say are a REFLECTION of you. If you don't like it, or wish for other behaviors of your children, fix yourself. I guarantee you will see positive or negative results in any way you choose to live.
You have a responsibility. Not a cause for action when you choose. Get after them. They're born great, as were you. It's their influences that will keep them there.
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